I'm not really sure I like baseball at all, but if there's one thing I am sure about, it's that my opinion on baseball really should not be taken seriously. Having said that, rooting interests fascinate me, and I wanted to break down who I think I'm going to root for in the MLB final four. This, as always, is based on petty biases and random funny things.
Hugely important note, before we get started: all four teams are very cool and acceptable. I would not have a problem if any of them won the World Series. Let's do this from least to most.
4) Texas Rangers
Rooting points: Zero (DET over TEX, MIL over TEX, STL over TEX)
Likes: Their manager, Ron Washington, apparently did cocaine. This will always be the coolest thing about them.
Dislikes: I used to dislike Josh Hamilton because I thought he got a little too much credit for his rehabilitation process, but then the horrible thing happened this year with the boy and his father, and maybe I'm not in Hamilton's corner through and through, but man, you had to feel absolutely awful about that entire incident. So I say Hamilton is a push at worst. I don't really like Ian Kinsler, but I'm basing that on nothing. Not a single thing. Despite the amazingness of "Friday Night Lights", you never want Texas to get too full of themselves.
If they lost: I mean, whatever? Don't they have core stuff mostly locked up? Are they still known for having great hitting and bad pitching? Teams like that are cool.
If they won: You know what? Really not so bad. They've never won it before, so good on them.
3) Detroit Tigers
Rooting points: One (DET over TEX, MIL over DET, STL over DET)
Likes: Jim Leyland = cigarettes, always cool. Who doesn't roll with Verlander? If you don't, you're a hater. Pudge Rodriguez played for them that one time.
Dislikes: Ty Cobb? Racist for the ages. Despite my casual admiration of the Lions, absolute love of Michigan football, surprising like of the
Redwings Red Wings and supreme jealousy of the early 2000s Pistons, I really have been a bit of a hater on the Detroit Sports Renaissance of 2011. Well, not a hater -- more just... like "ugh" on the whole thing. While I wouldn't mind the Lions in the playoffs, this undefeated thing needs to end. I'm sick of them getting anointed and re-anointed every week. Yes, you don't suck anymore, great job. Continue not to suck, and I'll be much more impressed. This really has nothing to do with the Tigers.
If they lost: Detroit's economy will never recover.
If they won: Detroit's economy will prosper/extreme validation for Justin Verlander MVP people?
Rooting points: Two (MIL over STL, STL over DET, STL over TEX)
Likes: Pujols is so cool, he's like A-Rod but stripped of all personality, flavor, and spunk. I miss A-Rod. Went to their stadium for the first time this summer, and it ruled. Couldn't imagine how sweet World Series games would be in that spot. I bet their fans drink a lot. I also like how they've won a World Series semi-recently. Remember, recent success is a weak reason to root against someone's future success. Do that, and you're pettier than me. Go Will Leitch.
Dislikes: I vacillate on Tony La Russa quite a bit. I mean, there's a lot to hate and a little to like, so he's kind of funny, but ultimately he's an idiot, no? I mean... look at that picture! He's an idiot! I know he over-manages, but how big of a deal is that? Very funny.
If they lost: Pretty much just a shoulder shrug. But what about Detroit's economy?!?!?!?
If they won: It'd actually make one of those famed regular season comebacks worth a damn. With the entire AL East out of this, the Cardinals would really benefit from overtaking the Braves a few weeks ago. I mean, the story would mean a lot more, in retrospect. Beyond that, wouldn't they somewhat cement themselves as the NL's premiere team? Also, would it help them get Pujols back? I say... yes.
1) Milwaukee Brewers
Rooting points: Three (MIL over STL, MIL over DET, MIL over TEX)
Likes: Putting the Brewers against the Cardinals was very difficult. I like both teams a lot, and their success seems to really hurt Cubs fans' feelings. That's good. What put the Brewers over the top? Nyjer Morgan is, by far, my favorite player left in the playoffs, and he might be pushing A-Rod as my favorite player in all of baseball. I'm going to go over to his Wikipedia page right now and copy and paste things I find great. Here we go:
- Morgan frequently refers to himself as Tony Plush...
- Under his nickname, Morgan will occasionally make a hand signal to look like a "T" after reaching base
- His antics off the field have earned him unfavorable notoriety amongst opposing players  ... (ed. note: Haha, citation needed)
- He is the owner of an adopted cat named "Slick Willie." ... (ed. note: LOL)
- Morgan also has one daughter, Niah., who was born in Regina, Saskatchewan during his tenure with the Western Hockey League's Regina Pats ... (ed. note: wait, hockey?!)
- Morgan was forced to relinquish custody of Niah in order to pursue his athletic career ... (ed. note: aw, sad)
Cementing Morgan's coolness is his adamant disapproval by my roommate Ed, who likes everything I hate about sports and vice versa. He apparently wasn't too happy with Morgan's role in that Pujols brawl/almost brawl in the regular season. Knowing nothing about it, I side with Morgan.
Dislikes: Zack Greinke complained about Carpenter recently, which felt stupid. I'm out on Zack Greinke.
If they lost: Kinda sad, no? They also have never won the World Series, and who the hell knows what they'll do from year-to-year? Not me, that's for sure.
If they won: An entire off-season of Nyjer Morgan celebrating the victory, which makes us all winners.
Bobby Loesch is the assistant editor of Tremendous Upside Potential and a weekly contributor at SB Nation Chicago. He can be reached at bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy.