I admit it. In terms of sports news -- and more specifically, Chicago sports news -- this story requires you to use your imagination.
Anyway, it sounds like Iowa native, Bears fan and Demi Moore's husband, Ashton Kutcher, will replace Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men." The details aren't important because despite the show's alleged popularity I don't know one person who actually watches it.
In terms of some distant connection to the sports world, Kutcher -- in addition to his obsession with the Bears -- loves fantasy football, and in 2008, he also served as an assistant coach for L.A.'s Harvard-Westlake School freshman football team. (Apparently, this is how young, handsome, filthy rich celebrities fill their days between gigs.)
Prior to quitting "Two and a Half Men" and subsequent talk of winning and tiger blood, Sheen was probably best known for his role as Ricky Vaughn in "Major League." Kutcher admitted last week that "I can't replace Charlie," which is true in just about every facet of the man's existence. For his part, Sheen called Kutcher a "sweetheart" but added "Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, (Warner Brothers)."
I take this to mean he won't be watching.
In sorta-related Bears news, this is still one of my all-time favorite photographs.