Football was unkind to me last week.
I witnessed firsthand one of Iowa's worst ever losses, Michigan's red zone offense and composure in general turned into a tire fire, and Wazzu -- who I picked to win by double digits even though I never make predictions -- blew a 17 point fourth quarter lead and lost by one. I even lost a bet on the spread of the Alabama game. College fantasy provide reprieve? Please, I lost by two to a guy I was favored to beat by 55 earlier in the week. In the NFL, my Pats lost on a last second field goal, my fantasy teams went 0-4, and I was eliminated from my suicide pool. My current mojo could not be worse.
So this week, we're going to go back to the basics and do what we do best -- absolutely thrashing the Big Ten. No team off limits, here we go.
Illinois: You are bad and you should feel bad. You lost so expectedly to Louisiana Tech last week, their players aren't even calling it an upset. Sports NOLA said you being favored by 2.5 going into the game was simply to "balance the bets". This is not good.
Indiana: I'm actually gonna leave you alone since you lost Roberson, but you are barely in this conference, typically.
Iowa: You. Players and coaches have taken enough grief this week, so I'll call out the fans. Hey, Iowa fans, maybe when your team is on the ropes, you *don't* let the stadium's vibe die and actually cheer and create an enviroment more difficult for a MAC kicker to hit a game winner on you? Maybe? Not willing to do that? Fine. How about *not* booing your team off the field when they lose by one at home to a clearly formidable opponent. They're amateur athletes, idiots. Show some class.
Michigan: I'm not mad at you, I'm disappointed. Offensive coordinator Al Borges, you have to make it work with Denard. This is all of your fault. Media, stop over-ranking Michigan.
Michigan State: You have no offense and will lose so many more games. If you don't, that's more of an indictment of the conference than your actual skill.
Minnesota: Haha, undefeated.
Nebraska: Most likable team in the conference this year. I can handle that.
Northwestern: Haha, undefeated. Even more depressing -- not for them but for the rest of the Big Ten -- is three of their four wins are against BCS teams. I guarantee that's the most in the league.
tOSU: You've fielded your most likable team in years and have been on and off great to watch, but everyone -- including you -- knows you're probably not supposed to be undefeated at this point. Again, probably not your fault, but something's gotta give, here.
Penn State: Pass.
Purdue: Why couldn't you have beaten Notre Dame?! It was there for the taking!!!!!!
Wisconsin: The shittiest, worst, most truly disappointing team in the Big Ten, given pre-season expectations. Monte Ball? Dead. Being ranked? Light years away. QB stability? Unstable. Taking their division? ...I mean, is that even on the table anymore? No one has exemplified the overall step back the Big Ten has taken than (typically) perennial power, Wisconsin. Everything bad that has happened to everyone this year, I blame on you. Why didn't you let me win my Alabama bet?! Why did the Patriots lose? Fix thee e-kawn-a-mee!
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Ugh, let's go.
Unrelated/related: Props to the Old Dominion QB for throwing for 730 yards in a game last week. Though he doesn't play for Oregon, it's as if his spirit does.
Victory t-shirts?! VICTORY T-SHIRTS?! Dudes, your credibility is gone.
Fans of Kenny Powers, do you have anything to say to Kansas State? Ah, yes.
Man, where we we even start? Here: "Players make plays, plays don't make players" -- haha.
When that's -- by far -- the coolest thing you say in an interview, you're gonna run into problems. Around the 1:15 mark, Dantonio gets into snap mode. Because Coach D is gonna lay it out for you like this: "I don't have a whole lot of time in front of the cameras today -- that's the way it is."
This is, by far, the best exchange.
"Did you come up with any more clarity on the receiving corps?"
"OK, next question."
Anything more generally dismissive you'd like to add?
"I'm just loving all these questions because they're great ones."
Haha. I really, really cannot wait till he's gone.
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Before we get to the slate, let's all watch this dope Russell Wilson commercial together, no? He's cool, and I bet it'll pump you up hard. Note: I'd planned on running this *before* he punched Green Bay in the head on Monday Night Football. Aright, I'll shut up, seriously watch this, though. If you can't watch, just audio it up.