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The Cubs are a Beach Boys Album

The Cubs have been lounging around California for the past week, doing all of the normal touristy things, in addition to losing a few baseball games for good measure. A loss tonight and they conclude their road trip at 0-6. San Diego, where they're currently lounging, is a city known for it's surf culture and laid-back attitude. It may not be readily apparent, but the Cubs share many similarities with the city itself. The "I don't give a shit"-approach towards things is the easy connection. The surfing, however, is not as obvious. But with a little bit of crate digging, you'll come across The Beach Boys' 1963 hit, Surfin' USA. This album has come to embody the surf culture on the West Coast, and criminally overlooked as a perfect representation of the 2012 Cubs as of late. Everything from the song titles, to the lyrics, to the instrumentals, make the connection undeniable. Have a look at the track-by-track breakdown for further proof.


  1. Surfin' USA - Enough already. We've heard this song a million times and never even liked it to begin with. Surely you can just turn it off? That's not going to happen because then we need to familiarize ourselves with a new easily digestible pop song. It's much easier to stick with this one. Surfin' USA is every - usually moronic - Cubs talking point discussed ad nauseum.

The Cubs have not won a World Series since 1908. How long is too long?

Brett JacKKKKson's strikeout rate

Starlin Castro's attentiveness

Alfonso's Soriano's effort


  1. Farmer's Daughter - An ode to the recent additions (seems like too many to list), who have left behind their farmer's daughter in Iowa and moved on to the big club. Welcome to Chicago, where, if nothing else, the women are more plentiful.

So long

Better leave your land

Many thanks

It was mighty grand

I do

Hope to see you again

Farmer's daughter

Sounds a lot like a "Give me your number, I'll call you" situation. "No, you don't need MY number, I'll call you." All those Iowa call-ups are really hoping they don't have to meet at 2 AM in the haystacks ever again.

  1. Misirlou - The obligatory instrumental backdrop for when a movie character goes to the beach. Makes you feel like something epic is going to happen, when really it's just a couple dudes surfing. Exactly like when a hitter blasts a 390-footer at Petco Park, the crowd 'Ooohs' in anticipation, and it's caught on the warning track.

  1. Stoked - The lyrics to this song are "Stoked" repeated numerous times for a two-minute stretch. I added some lyrics of my own to beef up the song a bit.

Ryan Dempster finally traded


Geovany Soto, Reed Johnson, and Paul Maholm too


Campana sent back to Triple-A


Baker shipped off to a dark, dark place


Finally room for Jackson and Vitters


  1. Lonely Sea - Rooting for a losing baseball teams is one of the loneliest feelings on Earth. Unless, of course, you root for the Cubs, and are joined by one of the millions of people who needlessly suffer along with you.

This pain in my heart

These tears in my eyes

Please tell the truth

You're like the lonely sea

At least management has told the truth, acknowledging this team isn't contending anytime soon.

  1. Shut Down - Jed Hoyer announced yesterday that the Cubs will shut down Matt Garza "indefinitely" due to irritation around the elbow.

Tach it up, tach it up

Buddy, gonna shut you down

There's nothing to gain from Garza returning to the rotation this year. He probably would have been traded this year if his value wasn't at an all-time low. Shut him down for the rest of the year and hope for a Dempster-esque first half next year.

  1. Noble Surfer - This song fawns over the area's best surfer. He's dedicated, fearless, mysterious, stylish, and attractive. And most of all, you are not him.

He's not afraid of body whop

From ten feet or more

He never backs away from a swell

The Noble Surfer here is clearly Anthony Rizzo. He can do anything, and manages to be the present and the future all at once. Not to mention, being the "savior" of the Cubs is like staring down a giant wave, if that giant wave appeared every day for the next 12 years.

  1. Honky Tonk - The second instrumental track on the album. Reminds me of a casual stroll on a warm day. I'm happy because this is a pleasant stroll and the Cubs aren't playing. It must be an off day. Let's call it Thursday.

  1. Lana - The transition from casual to serious relationship can be a frightening, but ultimately fulfilling experience. The same can be said for the transition from mediocre to contending ball club. Cubs fans have never experienced the transition to greatness, however, so we're naturally skeptical of any such proclamation.

Don't dear, please don't, don't be afraid

It's Heaven I've been told

"Winning a World Series is heavenly." - The proper English translation of what White Sox and Cardinals fans tell us everyday.

  1. Surf Jam - The third instrumental track on the album. Also the tune that runs through Carlos Marmol's head after he completing a save opportunity.

  1. Let's Go Trippin' - The fourth and final instrumental track. "Let's Go Trippin'" are the only words, followed by two minutes of good vibes. Reminiscent of a summer trip to Wrigley Field with your friends. This is going to be so much fun! We're gonna get shitfaced! Maybe we'll be on TV! Maybe we'll catch a foul ball! Either way, we're gonna get drunk! Then the Cubs give up 7 runs in the first 4 innings and before you know it the good vibes have disappeared.

  1. Finders Keepers - I wish the Cubs wouldn't subscribe to the "Finders Keepers" rule. The Cardinals found Joe Mather first. They deserve to keep him.

He took off on a swell

When he saw the flag

He's just a crazy hodaddy

Pullin' some kind of gag

Seriously, how is it, with all the positive player movement as of late, Joe Mather is still on this team?