Not even West Fuckin' Virginia was impervious to the weather delays.
College football's opening weekend was so weird. This unsettling, perfect blend of blah-crap and satisfaction. It didn't help that the three games I spent the most time watching (Iowa-Tennessee Tech/Michigan-Western Michigan/ND-USF) were all affected by lightning delays. What's crazy is, I can only remember a lightning delay happening once ever (random, early season Michigan game a few years ago), so to see it in droves last weekend was an unwelcome novelty. Even more unwelcome? Michigan's game being called early. They didn't even finish three quarters. Do not rob Denard of his precious statistics! A real walk away/shoulder shrugger, I suppose. Iowa? They kinda just delayed a little, then finished up. Notre Dame, on the other hand...
As a longtime Irish hater, I still couldn't help but sympathize with ND fans as that train wreck of a game was played, delayed, played again, delayed again, then finally finished. Blame it on the game's excruciating-ness (they f'd up so many good drives), blame it on the purity feeling Week 1 is *supposed* to have, but I really did feel bad. Well, until Brian Kelly douche'd out on the sidelines.
Kelly was hateable for about a day or two... but then the Catholics got on his ass:
I've seen Brian Kelly in interviews and he seems like a decent guy but isn't this type of behavior unfit for any grown-up, never mind the most recognizable face of the country's most well known Catholic university? (National Catholic Register)
Oh shut the fuck up. You you wanna fire him because of losses on the field or the death of Declan Sullivan, do that. Cut the pompousness and entitlement.
Fellow SBN Chi'er and TUP clansmen Dubs put the ND lost best (and most profane), when, in a column that had a title starting with "This Is Why I Hate Everything", (like I wouldn't automatically like something like that) he said:
Notre Dame is still the team that finds super duper ways to fucking blow everything
So yeah, their season is over.
1) Oklahoma: I love you, Oklahoma, but you don't deserve this ranking. Who did you even play last week? I'mma look it up.
/looks up
Tulsa. You do not deserve this ranking. In even lamer news, it appears they be off this week.
2) LSU: Very impressive win over Oregon for the Miles crew. When I said last week that they were going to lose, I didn't necessarily mean against Oregon, but still, I was extremely surprised with how dominating they were at times against the Ducks. Hell, I was surprised they won. Is this team capable of beating any team in college football?
3) Alabama: Who even plays QB for them? I recall there being some sort of controversy.
4) Boise State: This is where the Broncos pray Georgia runs the table. Such a great win for Boise, though. They went out there and did it. People expected it, too. They really need to find a real conference.
5) Florida State: Top 5 already? Aw, man.
6) Stanford: Psh, not even Top 5 yet. Related: I totally forgot the Pac-10 actually changed their name to the Pac-12. I think being over-conditioned to the Big Ten's "DUR HARR HARR" philosophy when it comes to, oh, I don't know, everything made me think the Pac-10 would actually be stupid and keep its old name, too. But nope. Being not-idiots helps precipitate positive change. So congrats on being progressive, Best coast.
7) Texas A&M: I swear I heard someone on Twitter calling A&M QB a "first round talent" this week. Should we look into this?
8) Wisconsin: Still improbably trending toward likability.
9) Oklahoma State: Still ignoring.
10) Nebraska
11) Virginia Tech
12) South Carolina
13) Oregon: Two game losing streak. They put on so many clinics last year, it gave them this aura of invincibility. Then they got Cam'd, and it's all changed.
14) Arkansas
15) Ohio State: Two thoughts, one negative ... 1) Let's cut the "Tressel wouldn't do that!" line for whenever Luke Fickell does something remotely un-conservative -- I got sick of that line when I heard it the first time, 2) I thought this went a little under-the-radar over the weekend before blowing up this week, but peep this Ohio State catch.
I don't care -- or know -- who that is, and I don't think context matters. Straight up, that catch ruled.
16) Mississippi State
17) Michigan State
18) Florida: Haha.
Or leave the league.
19) West Virginia: Oh yes, it happened again. And now we've got a cross-racial example.
I love those people.
20) Baylor
21) Missouri
22) South Florida: Aw, what up, world beaters? Surely any team to beat the great Notre Dame must be ranked imm-eed-juht-lee!
23) Penn State
24) Texas
25) TCU: Now *that's* a 25th ranked team. Not stupid, probably deserving, actually has some room to move up.
Dropped from rankings: Notre Dame (like clockwork), Georgia (ain't yo' fault), Auburn (the only slight amount of justice in the world), USC (/sad face)
Thursday
Arizona at Oklahoma State (9): This game really doesn't interest me at all, I just saw a single digit ranking and got excited. Plus it's Thursday night lights...in a prime time slot!
Saturday
Oregon State at Wisconsin (8): Should we care about this?
Wait. Yes. I totally should. Fantasy, baby!
Iowa at Iowa State: Mostly for me but also because we never got a chance to make fun of this. Hawkeyes should roll.
Mississippi State (16) at Auburn: I keep forgetting Mississippi State is good again, then I remember Mullen is coaching them and they sorta rule totally, then I remember they drubbed the shit out of Michigan in the Gator Bowl and the memories then kind of become a scar. Mississippi State is cool.
As for Auburn? Wow. The Hybrid will be tracking every game the Tigers play until they lose after that Week 1 escape. The only funny part was how, when they were losing, everybody (including me) was like "see, karma does exist!" only to have that sentiment shoved right back in their faces. It was kind of a sad outcome.
Alabama (3) at Penn State (23): Game of the Week? Game of the Week. And with Penn State given a 20-something ranking just in time for the spotlight. I like the 2011 version of this game a lot more than last year when an extremely inexperienced Penn State had to go down to Tuscaloosa just to get leveled. So badly. This year, if they lose, they lose, but at least they have a puncher's chance.
Stanford (6) at Duke: Top 10 team on the road! Shouldn't be in this section, but we all know how much I love crappy football teams attached to elite basketball schools. Speaking of, I miss UNC. And Kansas.
Purdue at Rice: Really, Purdue? At Rice?
South Carolina (12) at Georgia: Poor Georgia. They schedule a dope game, get punished for it, and now Spurrier and his crew roll into town. Could be a real tough start to the season for the Bulldogs.
UNLV at Washington State: Wisconsin beats UNLV, and I brush it off immediately. If Wazzu does the same? I'll probably treat it like a mini-Super Bowl. They are 1-0, people! We've come so far. Yes, their starting QB broke his collarbone last week. This is the human condition.
Fresno State at Nebraska (10): If this was on ESPN...
Ball State at South Florida (22): Less for USF, more for undefeated Ball State. Way to top Indiana, fellas.
BYU at Texas (24): Meh...peh? Meh.
Utah at USC: Two teams that have spent so much time mutually ranked, that seeing them paired without numbers next to them feels like public nudity.
Northwestern State at LSU: *That* Northwestern State? Bad memories. That was the best Iowa basketball team I ever got to see. Man, I hate college basketball.
Notre Dame at Michigan: Stuffy, irrelevant, unranked, past their time programs. In prime time! At the Big House! College GameDay is *on site*. I am so sorry, everyone.
If it makes anybody feel better, Dubs (or Z.W. Martin, as some call him) and I have a somewhat interesting bet going for this game. He's gonna do a post on it later, he says, so I don't wanna say too much.
College Football Bandwagon 2011
Wazzu, Iowa, and Meechigan are 1-0. Impossible is nothing. Clean week.
Hell yeah, I just snuck in a new section. We'll probably keep this going until my team flames out.
Week 1: Behind a monster performance from Russell Wilson (against totally crappy UNLV), I eeked out a huge and first ever win. I was going up against TUP commenter Brian P., who had the first pick in the draft and took Denard. Fortunately/unfortunately, the 'Nard Dog was limited due to the lightning cancellation, and my name -- which is named "Denard" -- got a totally undeserved win. 1-0, son!
The hero...for now.
This week: I'm going against my college buddy Chris, who once wrote this for TUP. He's got Iowa's No. 1 QB and WR (James Vandenberg and Marvin McNutt) and basically no one else. For context, he starts the Purdue defense. I'm favored by five, but I'm feeling a loss.
One other notable thing about Chris' team: even though the league is exclusively Big Ten, we were forced to include another conference. So we picked the Mountain West because it felt random enough. As Big Ten players began to run out toward the end of the draft, Chris drafted Boise State QB Kellen Moore. While we had a gentleman's agreement not to start Mountain West players, we didn't say anything about not being able to have them on your bench, but on our message board, Brian P. called Chris a "fucking cheater" and added "I'd like to request [you] drop Kellen Moore." To which Chris replied, "I'd like to request you to fuck off. If I'm out of the running by Week 8, I'm going to start Kellen Moore against you just to fuck you and ruin this whole stupid league."
This whole exchange went down before Week 1 even finished.
Real exchange I had via Twitter with the person who does the @BoiledSports feed (no idea who writes it, but it/they have over 2,400 followers, making it a pretty prominent feed for Boilermakers stuff). Also, majorly for the record, I do not follow a feed dedicated to Purdue sports but happened to see the first tweet due to an RT from my boy Mark Flood (@mtflood). Anyway. The word-for-word conversation, with annotations in brackets.
BoiledSports: Purdue 1-0 IU 0-1 UND 0-1
Me: You've gotta be kidding me, talking smack like that when you barely beat MTSU.
BoiledSports: That's a fact, not talking smack. [It's a fact! I didn't want to say it, but information cannot be suppressed! It's at this point I decided to back off a bit and take a more laid back, congratulatory approach. Seriously, peep the apostrophe I'm about to use. I'm so chill.]
Me: The "fact" defense! Gotta love it. Regardless, congrats on ownin' the state. [I said this sincerely, but the dude/dudette did not believe me, and it was then our exchange hit a real lame zone]
BoiledSports: Is it okay we're happy with a win and rivals losing? I mean, do we have your permission? [It's at this point I definitively wanted to ease away from my comments, as I realized there was a big sense of humor chasm going on between the two of us]
Me: If congratulating you wasn't enough, I'm really not sure what else is left to do. [This is me trying to be so sincere that I'm sure it probably came off as even more insincere -- but hey, what the hell was I supposed to do?]
BoiledSports: Oh, my bad. It was almost as if you were being sarcastic. Which you were. [That line was, by far, my favorite -- defensive, uptight, annnnd..? accusive! It was almost like you were being sarcastic. Wait, it wasn't almost, YOU DEFINITELY WERE.]
Me: If you're gonna be that kind of crazy, I'm done.
BoiledSports: How are we being crazy? Being excited our team won and our rivals lost? Okay, guilty then. [I AM GUILTY OF HAVING PASSION.]
Me: I'm trying to straight up give you props, and it's turned into this disbelief of my sincerity. I said and meant what I said. [This, again, is me trying to be super sincere unsuccessfully. I believe this was what ended the back-and-forth.]
While I know very sensible Purdue fans (Mr. Flood, and my roommate Ed, somewhat), this Boiled Sports exchange was just so positively Purdue-ian. Seriously, I wanted to tuck my t-shirt into my jeans when it was all said and done.
The patented Purdue Tuck.
- Somewhat interesting article on Grantland, re: the S-E-C chant we always make fun of here. The commentary really wasn't written from a place of pure hate, so I can't say I fully approve.
- Tressel suspended. There's really nothing to be mad about anymore. Who even cares? I thought I did, but come on -- it's a fake job, none of this matters, Goodell is a maniac who caused this whole situation.
- The Maryland uniforms. Here's my stance. I didn't like them (though they were amazing/funny), but they're not an atrocity to college sports, and they got what they wanted out of it: people talking. I've thought more about Maryland's jerseys in the last week than I have in the last lifetime. Mission accomplished. That said? Weak move trying to steal Nike's niche, Under Armour. Nike carved that out with the Oregon pipeline (they are based there) and now UA (based in Maryland) is trying to do the same. That's what makes the whole thing kinda lame, IMHO.
Do they lose points for the granny panties?Wrapping It Up...
Mostly just thinking about Penn State-'Bama.
Bobby Loesch is the associate editor of the Chicago sports blog Tremendous Upside Potential and a daily contributor to SB Nation Chicago. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy.