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This Is Why I Hate Everything: Recapping Notre Dame Vs. USF

A stupid recap of the stupid game that was Notre Dame vs. USF.

I began drinking during the Iowa game. Really the Miami (OH) game, -- I had to leave Merkle's because they refused to play it on one of their 15 TVs -- alone. Then the Notre Dame game started. I celebrated with a beer. It started well. Or so I thought. The Irish drove the ball 79 yards on eight plays to the USF 1-yard line. Then Jonas Gray -- the bigger, more sure-handed back -- fumbled and USF returned it for a touchdown. So I drank some more. There were some punts. And some fish bowls. Then Dayne Crist threw an interception on USF's 8-yard line. I think a Jamo shot was taken. Then it rained. So I drank. Then it rained some more. Therefore I drank some more. It rained so much, in fact, the game was delayed. There was also some lightning. Or so I was told, I wasn't really paying attention anymore. Somewhere during the night I checked my phone and found that Notre Dame lost 23-20. There were some ill-intended texts too. I didn't need anymore alcohol. I needed a bed.

Stupid numbers and shit...

Anyway you look at this stupid-fucking-game, Notre Dame dominated USF. Well, except for one -- turnovers. Notre Dame had five more than the Bulls. Please take the next few moments to join me in hating everything.

ND / USF

508 / 254 -- Total yards

391 / 126 -- Passing yards

27 / 20 -- First downs

36% (5/14) / 14% (2/14) -- Third down %

20 / 23 -- Score

Stupid notes and shit...

- Michael Floyd did what Michael Floyd does: 12 receptions, 154 yards and two touchdowns

-Tyler Eifert will continue the long standing tradition of super awesome Irish tight ends (six receptions and 93 yards)

-Tommy Rees is still adorable

-Cierre Wood has finally become the player we all thought he would be (21 carries for 104 yards)

-The Irish D is legit (254 total net yards and 16 points given up)

-Notre Dame is still the team that finds super duper ways to fucking blow everything

Stupid emoticon of how I felt after this game and shit...

Smileydrunk_medium

Bobby was right.

Twitter @ZWMartin