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Ballhawk Ken delays retirement

When contacted about Howry’s impending return to the Chicago Cubs, Ken Vangeloff, known as @Ballhawk_Ken on Twitter and “the Crafty Lefty” by his fellow ballhawks, said the move will keep him on Waveland for the forseeable future.

“To be honest,” Ken said. “I’ve been thinking about putting away my glove and just hangin’ with Al in the bleachers. But this changes everything. Having Howry on the mound every eighth inning increases my odds of further building up my home run ball collection exponentially.”

When asked about possible injuries from scrambling to catch the many long balls that Howry will surely surrender, Vangeloff scoffed. “Oh, come on. This guy pitched for the Cubs for three full seasons. I know what he throws as much as the hitters do, and I know exactly where those taters will land. Now could you get out of my living room? How did you get in here anyway?”