The Chicago White Sox are unveiling this homage to the American lifestyle Tuesday for the game against the Texas Rangers:

The so-called "Big Slugger" is a Texas invention (a notable absence of gasps fills the room) and is designed to serve four people. But what it really serves is a challenge to every ambitious son of George Washington who sees a thing sitting in a cardboard serving plate and thinks to himself, "That. I can eat that." And when his wife casts an oblique, pained glance at him, he will eat only more furiously thinking, "See, I need to eat all of this -- THAT'S HOW HUNGRY I AM!"

Examine this diabetes heat map and see if you can guess the locations of places from which WE SHOULD NOT BE EXTRACTING AND REPLICATING RECIPES:

Yeah, maybe Chicago Style Pizza and Chicago Style Hotdogs are dangerous enough on their own without the infusion of a little Southern Spice (that spice you taste, by the way, is just the sensation your own arteries exploding).