What's funny is I'm not even sure if I have ten things. I have at least four, but I hated the game and outcome so much I'm sure I'll be able to churn out six more reasons.
How hard could it be?
So let's get our hate on.
(After the jump.)
1. The lack of offense. The first time these two teams played, they combined for 15 points. Vegas set an over/under of 41 points for the re-match, because that makes sense. This time around, they combined for 21. Halfway there, boys!
2. Deceptive final score aesthetic. Really hate how if you didn't watch the game, the 21-0 final might make you think three touchdowns were scored. False! It was five field goals -- FIVE FIELD GOALS -- and one touchdown. Alabama just so happened to miss an extra point on their lone end zone trip. So that's great. A final of 22-0 would have been so much more indicative of how this game actually played out (read: bad).
3. The game was over while it was still being played. I remember watching LSU, down something manageable like 12-0 in the third quarter, going on another one of their many failed drives. Watching the offense, seeing there were 20 legitimate minutes left in the game, and still knowing LSU had no chance to move the ball was so deflating. I mean, one touchdown and you're totally back in the game. But it ain't gonna happen. Not that night.
4. The broad generalizations it created about Alabama's defense. I love all the people spouting off sweeping statements like "Oh, you think Oklahoma State or Stanford or Oregon could do any better? No way!"
Dude, how the hell do you know? You do not, I attest! LSU played eight quarters against Alabama and averaged 1.1 points per quarter. You truly think that cannot be topped? Five separate teams put up double digits against Alabama this year, and while I'll concede a lot of those them probably got it during garbage time, the teams were Florida, Auburn, Georgia Southern, Arkansas, and, oh yes, Penn State.
5. How quick people wrote off LSU's entire season. So many pundits did the "Alabama DEFINITIVELY PROVED they are your true No. 1!" routine. Give me a break. While haters and boosters alike can probably all agree LSU got rocked in that specific game, I think it's important to remember LSU still has victories over Oregon (BCS bowl winner), West Virginia (BCS bowl winner), and Alabama (at Alabama). They also, you know, played in and won the SEC title game. A game Alabama got to duck entirely. I'm by no means advocating a split national title, but to call LSU's entire body of work anything less than "great" does a major disservice to their many accomplishments.
6. Alabama's blueprint for massive success in college football is horrifying. Here's Doc Saturday, on what we saw Monday night:
So let's just say it: The 2011 Alabama defense stands among the greatest ever in college football. It's certainly the greatest of the spread era. It's so good, it's unwatchable. All season long, watching the Crimson Tide has been like watching a boa constrictor slowly squeezing the life out of a mouse. By the fourth quarter of this game, with LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson clearly reeling from a combination of pressure and frustration, you could have also compared it to watching lions team up on a wounded gazelle. There's no artistry to it. It's not designed for your viewing pleasure. It's just a pride closing in for the kill.
If there's one line to stick with you from that description, "It's so good, it's unwatchable" should be the one. All the credit in the world to the Tide for their complete domination. And I don't want my excessive whining to come off like I'm taking anything away from their transcendent performance. HOWEVA, if we are going to look at this game with a semblance of historical context or objectivity, its complete boring-ness is a very approachable subject. If it was up to Saban, he'd probably win every game 13-0, and no one -- not even his own team -- would have all that much fun.
And if college coaches, especially elite ones, start to replicate that idea? Oof. We're back in the early 1900s.
7. The title game was worse than the first Game of the Century. I'm an offense guy. I love yards and spread and points and fun. That said, I can appreciate a good defensive battle. Round one of Alabama-LSU was a 9-6 slugfest that was legitimately entertaining to watch. It made a regular season conference game feel larger than life. Round two felt like an awkward b-side -- just something that probably shouldn't have happened at all. And a completely unfitting final chapter for college football's season. Or, totally fitting (since college football sucks).
8. LSU's offensive game plan. See graphic.
9. My dad, who is from the Midwest but has lived in Alabama for maybe 20 minutes, posted this picture on Facebook.
[Photo Removed Upon Request]
(It may have not originally contained the red "x".)
10. The Les Miles lucky 'aura' is dead. Isn't it?
* * *
Caveats: again, again, again -- all congrats in the world to Alabama. You deserved and earned this win.
I hate the SEC.
Five Good Things
1. Was there an "ESS EE SEE" chant? I didn't hear one.
2. Hopefully now a bunch of Alabama players will go pro. My beloved Michigan Wolverines need all the help than can get for Week 1 of next season.
3. Pretty sweet Gatorade bath on Saban. He took it a little more in stride this time.
4. Alabama's RB Trent Richardson not winning the game's MVP. Part of me thought Richardson -- a supremely talented player -- would probably get an undeserving MVP simply because he scored a TD once the game was pretty much decided. Fortunately, it went to some guy on Alabama's defense whose name I've already forgotten.
5. It ended.
Bobby Loesch is the assistant editor of Tremendous Upside Potential and a weekly contributor to SBN Chicago. He can be reached at bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy.