LSU Is Your 2011 College Football National Champion, Michigan Beats Ohio State (The Hybrid)

Cancel the rest of the damn season -- LSU is *already* the best we will see from college football in 2011-12

I'm not gonna do what everybody thinks I'm gonna do.

I'm not gonna FLIP OUT, man. Not gonna taunt the SEC. No. We're reversing it all today. Just like the University of Michigan reversed The Ohio State University last Saturday. I won't call them "Ohio." Or Thee Ohio State University. Really, they should just be called tOSU forever.

My god, Denard. I'm still watching press conferences from Saturday and we're almost a full week away from The Glory. Even the Urban Meyer hire right after the game -- like I predicted last week -- did nothing to taint the moment even retroactively. Michigan can give tOSU this game the next three years for all I care. Tressel is dead. The streak is dead. Everything about the world is perfect.

Big House after.

bighouserush.jpg
I actually turned down a ticket to the game the day before. It was graciously offered by Jenny Cooper, a terrific friend from high school. I'll always wonder what it would have been like if I attended the game, but at the same time, who knows if my body would have been able to handle it. I spent, like, 16 hours following the game in bed. For various reasons.

I'm glad it was dramatic too, man. Why would Michigan be able to punch in a touchdown to go up double digits? No, let's call it back, call it back again, then back them up 30 yards with a double penalty. Why not have Michigan kicker attempt and nail his longest career field goal? Why not have Braxton Miller overthrow a potential game-winning poison pass? These things had to happen. Because if Zaza taught us anything, it's that nothing is easy. But the final outcome? Pure catharsis. Nowhere else for that feeling to go. Michigan's schedule flips and gets way harder next year (think at Nebraska, at Ohio State, at Notre Dame, Alabama in Dallas), so this could be as good as it gets for another two year and maybe as good as it ever gets for Denard. I'm just happy we're here. We made it.

Onward we go.

THE HYBRID

Quick, Selective Hits On The BCS Top 25


(* = unbeaten)

1) LSU
*: They have grounded everybody. Everybody. And I don't think we need to have a college football season anymore. There is nothing left for LSU to do. Simply existing in a world with such inferiority can do nothing but tarnish their perfection by association. I'm being sincere, I swurr. You know, I've spent so much of the season hating the SEC, I've lost sight of how truly imposing LSU has been. And it's been all year. Against anyone and everyone good. Screw the last two games, Tigres. I crown you now. You beyond earned it.

And...yeah.

2) Alabama: I rip on the South a lot, but I just love stuff like this. Seriously, birth allegiances. It's so regional, in the best possible way. What I mean to say is, you'd never, ever, ever, ever, everevever see a "Northwestern or Illinois?" form. The North really can be worse sometimes.

3) Oklahoma State: What else does Mike Gundy have to do to definitively prove to you he's the indisputable best? Would arguing against his team's national title hopes do it? Because that did it for me. He is so great. Okie State should make the national title game just because he made those refreshingly honest comments. But coach, what if you beat Oklahoma this weekend?

"I'm not saying that I wouldn't (politick)," Gundy said. "... if somebody made me do it, I would probably say something. I would do it uncomfortably. But I wouldn't mention it until after the game, and at that time, it may be too late.

SO GOOD.

Doc Saturday's Graham Watson also notes if they beat OU this weekend, OSU will have five wins over the BCS Top 25. Alabama? Two. I hate everyone. Why?

Currently, there's a pretty big gap between No. 2 Alabama (.955) and No. 3 Oklahoma State (.871) in the BCS standings.

GAH.

/stabs forehead with iPhone

Places you will also see comments like that: nowhere.

4) Stanford: Hey, No. 4? Pretty cool, guys! So, basically, if we had a playoff, you'd be in it and it would rule because of Luck? K, so we all agree on that.

5) Virginia Tech: Did you drop a spot from last week? I'm assuming you did.

6) Houston*: Real game this week, boys!

7) Boise State: This play was SICK.

8) Arkansas: Bobby Petrino -- still not a shred of good within him.

9) Oregon
: You're No. 9 now, but Brian Cook still thinks you'd make a fake playoff. His idea is Top 2 get a bye, then 3/6 and 4/5 play each other, I think. It's for sure the best system. Blah, let me just go find it, it's so good.

Here:

I'm waiting for the championship games to play out before doing the Official Tedious Thing I always do around this time, but imagine a six-team playoff with no autobids with the first two rounds played at home sites and the final at the Rose Bowl. Tentative version of that this year:

1. LSU vs 4. Oregon/5.Wisconsin
2. Alabama vs. 3. Oklahoma State/6. Stanford

Tell me that's not All That Is Good.

10) Oklahoma
: You've got some stuff to do.

11) Kansas State: Did you know your former coach Ron Prince is an Indy assistant in the NFL? Me either, but that's what my program said on Sunday when Rickhouse and I went to see Hybrid legend Cam Newton at Lucas Oil against the not-good Colts. Question I forgot to ask when we were there: does Lucas Oil Stadium have a nickname? The Luke? I like The Luke. The Luc, maybe? Luc Longley.

12) South Carolina: I completely adore this picture.

cocksgirlhappy.jpg
13) Michigan State: I loved this straightbangin tweet.

14) Georgia
: Win, and you screw up everything. Lose, and you indirectly help Michigan. Cool.

15) Wisconsin: Very happy to see you ranked above Michigan. Why? Because you are way better than Michigan.

16) Michigan: I've railed against you being ranked too high all season, but maybe you are the No. 16 team in the country. I could handle that. But even if I couldn't, I ain't going to harp on you this week. Not after that life changing win over Ohio State. Denard will go down in lore forever as the streak buster. Gratuitous picture for no reason? I mean, do you know me at all?

denardsmileyetagain.jpg
My soul soothes.

17) Baylor: So RGIII did or didn't die last week?

18) TCU: You beat Boise and it's probably the "best" loss any 1-loss team has. Someone on Grantland was arguing Boise should make the national title, and I went in scoffing but came out believing.

19) Nebraska: Watched your victory over Iowa with four Nebraska fans (my step dad and his three brothers). They were so tolerable it almost made it worse. I think they felt bad because Iowa kept making the game so boring and intolerable.

20) Clemson
21) Penn State
22) Texas
23) West Virginia
24) Southern Miss: I'm really sorry I've made fun of you all year for less than 0% of a reason.

25) Missouri

Dropped from (AP) rankings, sponsored by Cat Licks: Notre Dame (Goodbye again -- you are bad at football), Virginia (...), Georgia Tech (How many times can one team drop out of the Top 25 in the same season?)

Tuh-Tuh-Tebow Rant


Why won't Tebow billboards stop being the worst?

tebowbillboard2.png
They're, like... just so bad. It's not the message, it's the design! Stop being bad at everything, Tebow peeps.

But yeah, I didn't see the game last week, but it seems like the same deal: defense steps up, Tebow sucks, Tebow wins. What I love about the debate are the non-haters/non-lovers that try to say moderate things like "You've gotta admit, it's pretty polarizing and there's no right or wrong answer on if he'll make it as a QB or not!" DUDE, I admit nothing. This wouldn't even be a conversation if Denver had a bad defense. If they had a bad D, Tebow puts up 13 a game, and they always lose. I was listening to a podcast earlier this week, and I think it was Charles Barkley that called it all a "media" manufactured storyline. He's right. Reali also made a point about how not Everything Tebow Does should be a referendum on his future. Let games be games. Yeah he's winning, but if you know about football, you know it's fleeting. Would I delusionally type the same exact sentence even if he won a Super Bowl? ...Maybe.

Any Sweet Games This Week/Weekend?


Friday
UCLA at Oregon (9): Pac 12 title game! Bahahahaha. It's on FOX, too. Pretty cool. Friday Night Lizzights.

cleareyesyo.jpeg
Saturday
Southern Miss (24) at Houston (6): I legitimately love this game. I'm calling it the Game of the Week until I see the SEC title game on the list and feel guilted into signing that title over. To argue in its defense though: a) real game for Houston, b) might be more competitive than the SEC title game, c) I have no other reasons.

Iowa State at Kansas State (11): I'm....................... out on this game. I'm sorry, Clones. I can't even up this game for you.

Texas (22) at Baylor (17): Could be a cool game if Texas was interesting. They are messing up a lot for us this year.

Georgia (14) vs. LSU (1): Yeah... this really is the Game of the Week. I'm really on board with this LSU-dominates-all-every-time storyline. Do we really think Georgia has a chance? I know they've improved over the course of the year, but they did get throttled by Boise in Week 1, and, maybe more importantly, LSU has terminated all in its way outside of Alabama, who they semi-terminated. I'm calling bad game, LSU win.

Oklahoma (10) at Oklahoma State (3): Love this game. If that mid-major game is my fake Game of the Week and the SEC title game is the real Game of the Week, we can probably call this one the Secret Game of the Week. All eyes are on LSU of course, but many of them will divert to see what Okie State can do against a very respectable Oklahoma team. If they make a real statement, can they vault 'Bama? Probably not, but we can all hope furiously.

Virginia Tech (5) at Clemson (20): As respectable as ACC games get, yet I just. don't. care. I'm sorry. AYY SEE SEE.

Wisconsin (15) at Michigan State (13): Michael Buffer Voice: And, at 8:17 Eastern Standard Time,, playing the latest game on the schedule.... THE BIG. TEN. TITLE. GAME. OF THE WORRRRRRRRLD.

Explozzzzzzzzsions!!!

This game really means nothing.

College Fantasy Football Update


The best team beat the second best team in the title game. Hard to complain about a result like that. The winning team, my buddy Ryan, had Montee Ball, who scored 9 or so touchdowns to add to his season total of 383 touchdowns. Can't compete with a dude like that.

Big Ten Rant

Paying for tickets eh? Eh? Maybe? I don't think it's a big deal. It's not your fault Michigan "Youze A Bitch" State and somewhat cool Wisconsin made the title game as opposed to traditional powers like white Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn Rape. No one's that mad, I swear. Though that's mostly because no one is paying attention. I'd post an excerpt, but I don't wanna perpetuate a potential rumor/non-rumor (update: hoax). Instead, we'll roll with a quantitative, real graph (via Doc Saturday via someone else):
hahabigten.jpg
You can't sit here and tell me that's not stellar.

What They Said -- A Take On Others' CFB Takes


- When Doc Saturday tweeted an article titled "Gators, 'Noles just set offensive football in Florida back decades" with a promise of a QB sneak that went for -14 yards, it felt too good to be true. Wasn't.

- "BREAKING NEWS: Kirk Ferentz Tries "Tebowing", Fails Miserably"

kirkfaketebow.jpg
- Never, ever doubt the fade damn route. This is one of the best catches I've ever seen.

- Astounding Punter Face, factoring in the outcome.

hagerupAHHHHHH.jpg
- This might be college hoops, but no 2Pac t-shirt gets ignored.

- This might be pro football, but this Costas thing literally is everything I think about sports, only the exact opposite. White people want to make defined, unwritten rules, then morally enforce them. It's pathetic. It's baseball. But this is where white people lose the battle: you can't play the "I hate all celebrations card" but then leave all this grey area by saying it's OK to spike and more specifically it's OK to do things like the Lambeau Leap. The Lambeau Leap is the exact definition of a pre-planned celebration. Anyone anti-that sweet sword celebration from the video can please stop reading this now. Ah, just keep going, only two short sections left, anyway.

- My boys Washington State hired former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach on Wednesday. I've been cloud nining ever since. Instead of pontificating for hours, I'll break it down in three parts quickly.

1) Super happy; this hire was Wazzu's best case scenario. It also helps fill the RichRod void in my heart

2) You thought the Pac 12 had offense before? Man. Leach joins RichRod (at Arizona) along with Pac 12 alums Chip "Spread God" Kelly and Lane "Pro Style Before Hoe Style" Kiffin to make the Pac 12 must-watch football for at least the next two years. How dope is that?

3) My SBN colleague Spencer Hall had an amazing/long Leach profile last summer. If you have even a shred of interest in Leach, I highly recommend it. Incentive: they hang out on a boat.

- Finally, hat tip to "Half Baked" and "Jerry Maguire" for inspiration on today's lead.

Random Picture I Came Across While Googling Stuff For This Post

mikemartinhulk.jpg
Wrapping It Up...

This is the deepest I've made it into the college football season without quitting this column, and I'm damn proud of it. I'd like to dedicate today's edition to Jeff Pawola, my WR1, who hit 30 career TD receptions at this year's Turkey Bowl. Jeff's got speed, height, leaping ability, hands, ability to adjust on the fly, improv ability, and he can run any literally pattern on the route tree. He's everything you could ask for as a QB. His best asset? Shameless swagger. When he caught career TD No. 30, he ripped off his sweatshirt to reveal a Terrell Davis #30 jersey. Did the TD get called back due to being out of bounds? Yes. Did he put the sweatshirt on, only to rip it off yet again when he caught his actual 30th TD, like, half an hour later? YES.

Congrats on 30, buddy. Let haters hate, and keep doing your thing.

jeffbobbh30.jpgHe doesn't usually have a mustache.


As for the rest of y'all -- let's see how these championship games play out. Mantra for the weekend: play out before freak out.

All we can do.

Bobby Loesch is the assistant editor of Tremendous Upside Potential and a weekly contributor to SBN Chicago. He can be reached at bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy.

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